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[07/11/09 - 11:26am] i'm actually pretty content with everything that is going on in my life right now. however, i am not looking forward to august 1st, or any day after august 1st, but i guess i'm going to have to learn to live with it. it won't be too bad, or atleast that is what i'm telling myself. i'll miss you terribly. i wish marge would just leave my family the fuck alone. she really is just tearing my parents apart, and she doesn't even know it. thanks 'grandmom', way to fucking suck. oh hey, talk to me! we're best friends, i want to know what is wrong in your life. add

[06/17/09 - 3:31pm] sometimes things are good, and sometimes things are bad. right now, things bad. and i have no clue when or how they could possible get better. but i'm not one to give up hope. add

[01/01/09 - 12:23pm] I got my wisdom teeth taken out monday and it still hurts, so I haven't done anything but sleep, but it has been relaxing. I don't have a new years resolution because I don't want to have any expectations. I'm just going to continue to grow and learn from my experiences. I'm so grateful for everyone I have in my life and for everything they have done for me over the past year. As much as I enjoyed 2008, I'm ready for 2009, it is going to be so much more than just another year. add

[10/29/08 - 12:44pm] maybe towson isn't so bad. add

[10/02/08 - 1:55pm] "lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself." i suppose it's time for me to find myself. yesterday was one of the worst. it should only go up from here, i guess. EDITTTT: also, i'm pissed. today actually may be worse. who knowzz. add

[08/20/08 - 12:21pm] rachael leaves tomorrow and i'm becoming nostalgic. i have so many memories over the past four years just running through my mind. my summer has been one of the best. ive grown so much closer to anna and dave, and kristin rachael alaina and cait. i can't believe we are all going our seperate ways in a week and we won't see each other for months. it's kind of crazy to think about, considering i don't go a week without talking to or seeing all of them. wow, growing up kind of sucks. add

i'm happy. [07/19/08 - 12:07am] endless summer is my only wish right now. everything is going so well, i don't want it to change anytime soon. in about a week from now i will be relaxing in deep creek lake, which i am greatly looking forward too. when this summer started, i swore i would make it one of the best ones ever. and it is turning out to be that way. too good. too good. add

[07/03/08 - 10:51pm] i'm driving down the road at 9:30 at night. the only thing in sight is the street lights ahead. there are no cars on the road. blaring brand new as loud as possible helps pass the time, but my mind can't help but wander and i can't help but think about anything and everything going on in my life. fuck, i'm not looking forward to college. this is real. it's really happening to me. no more contimplating it. i dont want to go. i'm probably the only kid who isnt excited to move on with their life. fuck. i'd be excited if my situation wasnt how it was. "towson is basically like a community college." so fucking true. i don't want to be there, at all. i'm going into it with such a bad attitude i don't think there is any possible way it could turn out good. i'm already thinking about transfering after the first year, i'm just that unhappy. i dont know when this sunk in. maybe when i read the orientation information and it said "tour of towson / visit towson town center" nothing is fucking new. and you'll tell me "being in college is new" but it's not, it's really not new at all when all i do afterwards is come home and work, welcome to my everyday life. i feel like i was forced into this situation. i didnt even have a choice. you promised me all my life that i would have a choice and you would make college work for me, whereever i want to go. well, hello? this isnt where i want to be. sorry. this is where you want me to be, so don't tell people i'm excited about college, because i'm not. this is the only thing i can even think about anymore, how much i'm dreading the end of this summer and if i could i would redo all my college preparation (which was basically none, btw.) rant rant rant. i just want to hang out with friends, read good books, and occasionally go to work. fuck. add

[06/17/08 - 1:53am] i'm missing ocean city more than anything this else in my life right now. it was so nice to have the freedom i did and to wake up with my best friends and new friends and old friends. i love them all. i can't really distinguish one day from another so i'll just list some of the highlights: -playing asshole every night -homeless alaina living with us -matt and ilka coming down twice -pizza tugos! -old time photos -la hacienda -cait courtney and emma -13 people in a 4 person condo -pizza hut -davina and dave -old pro mini golf -circle of death -never have i ever -kristin and rachael visiting -pasta night with everyone -the suds fountain -peeing in public -sneaking into the holiday inn -piercings -mardi gras beads -apples to apples -ordering 19 double cheeseburgers -the bath tub -the worlds worst lazer tag -joe in a thong -the slingshot -parasailing -riding the drunk bus sober -riding the drunk bus drunk -meeting jordan and justin and keith and jovan and scott and austin and matt and everyone else whose name i'll never remember. strangers! -staying up until 6 am spying with alaina -going shelling/watching the sunrise -walking on the beach at night -never wanting to leave! i had a blast. back to reality. (((stay strong a.r.m))) add

[06/07/08 - 9:33am] senior week 2k8 starts today. add

[05/21/08 - 12:27am] ( Read more... ) 2 | add

[05/14/08 - 11:50pm] sometimes a good fuck you just feels so nice. add

[05/08/08 - 10:53pm] i always start posts, and just stop them in the middle because i think it is ridiculous. or i don't like the way it sounds, or i just don't think, i don't know. (i probably started that two months ago, thank god live journals saves drafts, i guess) i'm going back and forth in my head so much in regards to everything, work, college, life. i want to be a physical therapist, but i don't want to be a biology major because i'm pretty sure it will kill me, or i'll just lose interest. i just want to travel and learn so much more about myself and the world. there is so much out there that is undiscovered and i just need to see it all. oh yea, i'm stubborn, if you havent realized already. so when i don't except what seems to be half-hearted apologises, don't be suprised. a perfect feeling of happiness will come this summer, i can feel it. six days left of school and i'm so excited. add

[03/03/08 - 11:05pm] i feel like i'm having internal conflicts of interest. part of me does not want college to come at all, because that means i have to grow up and be completely reliant on myself but i have no clue where i am going, what i am doing, or who i'll have by my side, so i'm scared. but the other part of me thinks college is going to be a new start in my life with mostly new people to interact and have relationships with. it's kind of upsetting to think that a good majority of the people i call my friends right now, i won't talk to after this year. so i guess i'm just trying to make these next few months all worth while. i think i'm leaning more towards being excited to start over brand new. indenpendence is exciting, independence is nerve-wrecking. i actually don't mind my job as much as i say i do. i was just thinking about it, and i don't mind being there. sure it's a pain in my butt sometimes, and sure i complain about it, but i like the familiarity of it. i always know what i am doing and what is going to happen. i wish the rest of my life could be so familiar and less foreign. "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?" i feel like this is so relevant in my life right now. when you are twelve, nothing else matters but being friends with someone, sharing your secrets, and having fun all the time. nothing else is important. today i hung out with my childhood best friend, and i was so happy. add

[02/14/08 - 11:02pm] EDIT: I dont care about wednesdays, lol, i was silly on the real. my mind is all over the place. i think i want to be in love, because today, being in love seemed to make everything okay with everyone. i've worked a lot lately, and that keeps my mind off of so so much, which is good. i just need saturday and time with k and r. and sunday and against me!. because when we're all together, it's always so much fun. i just want to sleep for the next two days because it's so much easier that way. 4 | add

[02/04/08 - 11:54pm] tonight, pink floyd's "wish you were here" came on the radio and all i did was turn it up really loud, with the windows down, and smile. i miss how things were this time last year. add

[01/22/08 - 10:15pm] i've had so much fun this past weekend at roller derby with everyone. i think i need the hang out more often with fun kids. there were so many good attitudes all together in on place, it was really nice. i'm genuinely happy right now, and that is all that matters. 3 | add

[01/15/08 - 11:42pm] i have so much to say. i'll probably write it all in here later. add

[01/02/08 - 8:32pm] it's a new year. lets talk about my new years resolutions. -care more about school. this one is extremely difficult, because i already fell asleep in two classes today. -learn a notable song on my acoustic guitar. i'm starting off small with that one, because i don't have much time for it, but i want to get good and show my parents they didn't waste their money on it. -go to the gym more often. i have this membership with my mom and we haven't gone much lately because we both have been so busy and exhausted. however, it's the healthy thing to do, so i don't really mind. in short, i had the time of my life this past christmas break / new years eve. thank you to everyone who contributed to my good times. add

[12/23/07 - 11:08am] january 1st. me and my mom are stopping together, atleast i hope so. i'm really going to try because i know my lungs must hate me. she has the help of medication. i'm working on straight will here. it is ridiculous. last night was so much fun. sean and wes are so much fun. it was the start of an amazing christmas break, i can tell. add

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